Don't Feed the Dwarfs!
by Kotetsu T. Kaburagi
Summary: If this doesn't make you fall out of your chair laughing, I don't know what will. For anyone who's ever wondered just how mad a dwarf can get. Enjoy! .


**Disclaimer : I don't own Lord of the Rings. But if I did I'd make Gandalf turn me into an elf. .**

**A Short one-shot about why you shouldn't mess with a dwarf's temper.**

**Enjoy!**

**Don't Feed the Dwarfs!**

**By: J-chan**

**"They're mine!!"shouted Legolas as he swiped the box of marshmallow cereal from Gimli and retreated up the nearest tree.**

**"Come down here you crazy elf! They're not just yours!" Aragorn shouted as he shook his spoon at him.**

**"Come on! Don't be spoiled!"**

**Legolas retaliated by picking up a handful of cereal and throwing it at him. (they were always after his lucky charms) "Go get your own! These are mine, I bought them!" **

**"No you didn't, you pawned Gimli's best axe for them." Frodo piped up unexpectedly. Everyone looked to him and he hissed and hid behind a rock clutching the ring. "My precioussss."**

**"Ok, that's just wierd." Merry said.**

**Aragorn had quite a time of trying to keep the dwarf from strangling Legolas. He had sat in the tree eating the sugary food and laughing as Gimli tried to climb it to exact revenge against "The theiving elf". Halfway into the journey to Moria, Gimli finally broke away from the ranger and tackled (well tried to tackle) the elf to the ground. But being stouter and less agile, he missed and fell face first into the dirt. Legolas danced around him, laughing and singing to himself. Gimli turned a deep crimson and tried another attack, but he wound up falling into the river and had to be rescued by a reluctant Boromir.**

**Having dried off and his temper cooled, Gimli sat next to the hobbits by the fire. Said hobbits were not at all comfortable and squirmed restlessly in their seats. They still did not trust that the dwarf's anger was fully controlled. The men busied themselves with sparring, and Gandalf and Legolas were betting on who would win.**

**"I think you are mistaken master elf, Boromir will win." Gandalf said, raising his voice.**

**"No, Estel is going to win!" Legolas shouted.**

**"No, Boromir!"**

**"Estel!"**

**"Boromir!"**

**"ESTEL!!"**

**"BOROMIR!!"**

**By this point both Aragorn (Estel) and Boromir had stopped sparring to observe the elf and the wizard arguing over which of them would be victorious, and it was quite humorous. Gandalf in his old age, was prone to getting squeaky when he yelled too loud, and he now sounded like a broken accordian. Legolas wasn't doing much better, as his naturally soft voice was barely above a whisper, and they had to strain to hear the elvish curses he was shouting at Gandalf.**

**"Go kiss an orc's ass old man!!" Legolas screeched.**

**"Old man?! You're older than I am!!" Gandalf shot back.**

**The verbal abuse went on and on until a pushing fight started, and the men from Gondor had to step in and stop them before they hurt themselves. Unfortunately, their quarry was stronger than they were, and they were unceremoniously flung backward on top of the poor dwarf and the hobbits next to him, as the fight escaladed into a slap fest.**

**Slowly a rumble began to shake the ground, and Legolas and Gandalf stopped their quarreling mid-slap to stare at the dogpile of humans and hobbits. The noise grew steadily louder and Samwise shouted "Earthquake!!" at which Legolas stated "No, DWARFQUAKE!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" and, with that Gimli tossed his burden into the air with a mighty roar, and everyone screamed and ran for the hills with the enraged dwarf on their heels throwing axes. That was the last anyone ever heard of the Fellowship.**

**THE END**

**Well I sure hope everyone liked this. It came to me on an idle tuesday when I was reading the third book. There was so much death and destruction and I thought: There's not enough humor these days. I might as well brighten someone's day. So there spawned this fic. Well, I hope you liked it, and remember:Reviews are a fan fic author's best friends..**

**Naaramie**


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